I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
