i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
