Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
