Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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