I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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