Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you had me at cake vodka
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
