I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
