my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
