my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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