Only a mothe r could love this liver
well you can't waste a boner
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
