Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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