i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
