Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
