I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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