is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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