A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
