can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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