her vagine was all disorganized.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
