Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
