Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
