Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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