if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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