I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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