i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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