The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
