I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
