And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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