I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
