Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
