based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
