Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
