I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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