Can Purell be used as lube?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
