actually, I'm a sock model
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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