6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
