no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
