that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can you bring me the toilet please
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
