Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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