Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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