So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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