i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
