were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
