every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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