Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
