Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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