tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
