woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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