If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
