from now on my penis is your penis
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
