there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
