my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
