this beer tastes like vomit already
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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