Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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