i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
